Category Archives: music

I Thought I Told You Twice: Bike Thiefs’ “Lean Into It”

If you’ve been seeking a band that supports dogs with anxiety and demurs at the consumerist principle of destination weddings, you probably need to meet Bike Thiefs.

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Fundamentally, I insist that you need to have your bike stolen to really understand life–fortunately, this three piece out of Mississauga, Ontario, Canada isn’t so dire. Conversational, yes. Sardonic, sure. Sincere, probably.

“Just last week my sister went out and bought a new Dyson.

About goddamn time I felt some excitement…”

Their latest album Lean Into It, shows the band growing into some new sonic textures. Punk is a vast ethos that is limited to the safety pin aesthetic for most people. Bike Thiefs already proved with their last records, These Things Happen All The Time and Bloated, that you didn’t need three chords or a mohawk for punk to work. With this record, their sound is crisper–less screaming and more jeering. But still, as my tattoo artist told me, close enough for punk rock.

Which is good. From the punchy ‘Destination Wedding’–complete with the music video’s most honest portrayal of a Monopoly game–to the twang-ish swing of ‘Melatonin’, there’s a lot in the record’s seventeen minutes.

“You know me so well.

How low is your bottom?

And I tried all my best

to be transparent, militant, eye contact, intimate…”

They claim their new approach is conversational, but I find it almost literary. When I Google ‘literary music’ though, there are more references to existing literature & poetry appearing in music. Which I find strange, because that’s just gilding the lily. That’s not being literary–that’s just using literature.

Bob Dylan obviously won the Nobel Prize in Literature. Tokyo Police Club is a modern contender for me. Other than that, the bands I’ve been listening to most these days work with sound best…their vocals act as just another instrument. I guess I’m making myself out to have an unreliable opinion in the matter (and I certainly do, as with most things) (My wife informs me that my penis ensures I can hold unqualified opinions; I don’t understand why she rolls her eyes when she says it).

Thankfully, the music speaks for itself. My favourite song, ‘Cosmetic Damages’, is a poignant story of a minor fender bender with an asshole:

“Can’t you see I’ve got places to be?

I’ve got goals, man…

My Hyundai Sonata, my high blood pressure,

my left turn…

Now and I see

that your wife

is shaken and crying.

It’s my god-given right

to stay here and fight

and I fight good.

 

I’ve had nothing to drink.”

I don’t want to spend more  time explaining why you should listen than it would take you to listen. It’s been like…two to five minutes. You could be up to a third done by now.

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Get on It

As soon as I hear a beat, my heart skips, I get on it /

Don’t be obtuse, I’m so acute don’t even need chronic /

The sonic elation got me bombing radio stations /

Facing a blank age disappearing from this great nation /

No patience, so we bleed from our eyes onto kilobytes /

No one even knows what it’s like to spend a lonely night /

Unless the Wi-Fi is down, then we’re in trouble /

Suddenly silent in the town we built from a tech bubble bubble /

Attack the rubble, or at least whatever’s left /

We are one that’s split, like a lip that’s cleft /

But I know what’s left, and it can’t be liked /

A lightning strike, lighting up the day or night night /

Now don’t be a frightening, don’t hide behind a pop song’s lies /

Unplug, unwind, where your freak flag flies /

Do or do not don’t try, even if you don’t belong on it /

As soon as you hear a beat, open your heart, get on it…

 

As soon as I hear a groove I move, I can’t help it /

My body is the music, like dropping E, you know you felt it /

Unsheltered, nude before the evil-lasting eye /

I see you in front of I, these rules are hard to abide by /

So crunch it, eat it for lunch if you don’t have time to lose /

Burn with the fire inside, consumed by the groove /

My dog can sense it too, I know you got a bright side /

Let’s see it for once & a while…at least you can try /

Believe it or not there’s kids inside, so let them out /

You locked them up yourself when you gave in to doubt /

With no clout, just trust in clouds & four leaf clovers /

Following stars with your head below ground like a gopher /

Now easy over homie, don’t crack up on me /

I only got one moment to prove I’m not a phony /

Got a mind full of dreams, I’m pretty set on it /

That’s why when I hear a beat I let go & get on it …

 

Dig it in vibes & such:

‘Get On It’

myztic

UXOs (2015)

IMG_0410 - UXO Album Art 3

can’t seem to care (song)

[Dig the vibrations put out by morning sickness. Lyrics struck by Jack. Spoken by some amusia weirdo named Andy.]

When I was born

The universe conspired to take me out of this life.

Just had to live one more life.

.

My mama was Maya.

My daddy was Shiva.

And I was born a helpless Ganesha.

.

I just can’t seem to find my way out of this life.

Just destined to live it through eight million more times.

.

Because no matter what Krsna says

I’m just a drop of the sea

Trying to find a piece of God in me–

And no matter how much you stare

I’m just as fucked up as can be and

I can’t seem to care.

.

My daddy was Burroughs.

He got busy with Courtney Love.

Must be why I can’t get high enough.

.

Try to practice yoga everyday.

Didn’t seem to make a difference

How I prayed.

.

Just can’t seem to find my way out of this life.

Just destined to live it through eight million more times.

.

Because no matter no matter what Krsna says

I’m just a drop of the sea

Trying to find a piece of God in me–

And no matter how much you stare

I’m just as fucked up as I can be and

I can’t seem to care.