May Contain Other Tree Nuts (a poem)

Call me an optimist

but I look forward to the day when

 I find a pecan or an almond

in a fresh batch of pistachios

(try saying that five times fast).

 

Back of a used napkin math here:

In a lifetime, I have probably

cracked into ~22 kgs of pistachios

and never

do I ever remember

finding anything but those happy tan clams.

 

So now it’s almost a quest

(22 kgs next year alone?)

just to find this mayhappenstance alien tree nut

(I will cherish it).

 

I promise to phone the questions, comments, concerns hotline

to thank them deeply

and let them know their tedious ingredient lists

were totally worth it.